My Gift to Brian Regan, and my humanitarian effort

I have an innate urge to change the English language.  Maybe its because I feel everyone will love me someday when everyone can actually sound out words the way they are spelled.   Wouldn't it also be nice to forever drop that ever so cumbersome silent K?  What the hell is that for anyway?  Like tits on a boar hog, its dead weight.  Lets start a revolution, and drop this sterile member of the alphabet from all the words starting with kn.  I think Brian Regan can head us out on the campaign trail, and, well, click here to see why he hates public humiliation too.  I have a love-hate relationship with Brian.  He put the f-u in funny, and he looks just like my unbetter half. Check out his video on fishing here.

 I am feeling a bit stupider than usual.  Lets just say it is attributed to my lack of ability to grasp another language as simple as Spanish., and their words sound like they are spelled (and no silent k's).  I keep spelling words wrong that seem to reiterate their meaning in the sentence I am writing.  Today I typed the word wrong, (Ugg! Another silent but deadly letter!) and spelled it wronge.  Wrong spelled wrong.  Brilliant!  In my book manuscript I was telling a story of when my younger, and card carrying, magna cum laude, Tri-Delta sister fell out a window one dummer.  She is the genius of us two, and it happened one summer.  Funnier with the misspells, huh? 
The other thing I have an unhealthy affinity for is putting two words together to form one word.  It's pretty obvious what I am-Maiditute-but my list of talents stretches way beyond my legs.  I love playing golf, surfing, and shopping.  Too many words to combine, but if you come up with one, let me know.  Here's a joke that I don't think many outside the golf community know, but still is quite good.  What do you call 24 men chasing a black man? The PGA Tour.  Did I mention I am a wetback?  That should settle the score.  Maybe.
Ever heard the saying "Words of Wisdom?"  As an homage, I have come up with 'Words of Twaddle' which is the opposite of wisdom.  And I like that twaddle sounds similar to, you know.  So twaddle it is, and the sayings will be from the mouth of my delightful spouse.  Just so you know, we all will be dumber for have heard them.  You've been warned. 
Today's Words of Twaddle came about as he was telling me what he will invest in when he is a bazillionaire.  Already I was laughing inside, but I kept drinking my Pilsen to cover it.  He would get all the children of the world together and pick their brains for their answers to the world's problems.  Not bad so far.  However, I love playing devil's advocate, because that's what I do.  One step closer to his heart attack is my goal.  I say "Well, since there are thousands of children dying of starvation daily, I am sure they would rather just get a bowl of maggot free rice."  He looks at me, again slamming beers, and says, "Well, I am not going to save the world."  There you have it.  He's a bazillionaire, but he isn't going to save the world.  Aren't you thankful he isn't a bazillionaire and Bill Gates is?  We can all sleep tonight.  I am doing my part to spend the little money he does make, so I think we can all philanthropist to my resume.  You are welcome, world.  You are welcome.