6 Reasons why you should never follow your heart.

My judgmental 'friend' Carol once told me I wear my heart on my sleeve, as if she was some kind of fashion plate.  I had to talk her in to changing her hairstyle from that 80's style we all wore 30+ years ago:  pompadour on top, perm on bottom, and sides plowed straight out with hairspray and a blow dryer.  I got her into the Katie Couric, which of course she STILL wears today!  So it is equally disturbing to me having those words so deeply embedded and played over like a skipping CD in my VW Cabriolet, that I am gonna start wearing a new accessory.  Like it or not, it is sure to become a staple in my wardrobe, I can only hope.  That's because it is my brain.
NO LONGER am I going to be the sweet, polite, and un-phased girl who followed 'The Rules" religiously, but going rogue to the ranks of cold-hearted bitch.  Here's why all women should: 

1.  Give the people what they want.  Know how many times I have heard "You don't know how pretty you are" or "You act like you don't care that you are pretty."  Well, you don't know how stupid you look either, because looks are God given, by my parents.  For a long time, I did not know looks were a prerequisite to being a nice human being.  Those days are long gone.  I'm headed to Bitch Boulevard, so buckle up, or tuck and roll. 
2.  There is power in numbers.  Apparently, I am in the minority, and The Man has been holdin me down for too long-reparation time, boys!  In the past I have been the woman out, watching other women group together like gazelles as the lions (men) look for the weak one to pounce on.  I sat in the men's pride, never being able to figure what tangled women together so tightly.  I did not have had anything in common with these groups of women, whether playing bunco or going to "The Vagina Monologues".  Ok ladies, let's even out the playing field, because I have some info to share with all of you.  It should only take about 4 minutes, and then we can go back to our wine. 
3.  Men actually like to chase the pack, so give it to them.  Being nice sure seems to piss them off, because they suddenly treat you like shit.

4.  Think of all those 'I like you more than a friend' confrontations you can avoid, by befriending only women.  I somehow recall my old days of having a few drinks with those boy 'friends' on occasion, and ending up at planned parenthood the next morning.  What a friend, indeed.
5.  Buying my own drinks is fair trade for not having to watch ESPN.

6.  Besides spooning in bed, and washing my car, all men can be replaced with a certain battery operated object, and without the usual dissatisfaction.  I hear toothbrushes are making a comeback lately, and some don't even need batteries!  Leave it to women to multitask a simple personal hygiene product.  And, I can always go to a car wash.  Hmmm.

Feel free to add more in the comments section.  I am off to go watch the Miami game, eat wings, and pound some brews with my #3 reason not to ever marry.  I need many, many more reasons, obviously.  Love sure does suck.